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Police Beat 3/7/14: Car thieves, burglary(?) and exactly 10 beers

Posted: March 7, 2014 - 12:10pm
Image credit: Maxim magazine
Image credit: Maxim magazine

Among reports recently released by the Conway Police Department:


• Motor vehicle theft at 1900 block of Hogan Lane.

A person reported that they started their car to let it warm up at about 7:30 Thursday morning. At about 7:40 it was gone. The car is described as a 2000 Buick LeSabre, white in color, with one headlight.


• Residential burglary (?) at 800 block of Teal Drive.

A house that had been subject to a foreclosure action, but which had been redeemed by the owner, was re-entered for the fist time since August on Wednesday. The owner called police to report that things had been moved around and two revolvers were stolen.


A neighbor reported to the officer that two men in a white truck had been at the house in December. The description of these men is possibly consistent with a foreclosure “cleanup” crew, which is generally an independent contractor that removes trash and belongings from foreclosed property and is supposed to place anything of value into storage for a period of time to give the owner a chance to claim it.


However, this cleanup crew apparently only took the guns, and even more confusingly, gave the neighbor a key to the home and told him that he could go and take whatever he wanted. The homeowner was advised to contact his bank. The missing firearms are described as a Ruger Security Six revolver and an 9-shot .22 revolver.


• Criminal mischief at 2400 block of Washington Avenue.

A person reported that at some point between late Wednesday afternoon and around noon on Thursday her car was keyed by a vandal or vandals.


• Criminal mischief at 800 block of Harkrider Street.

A person reported that at some point between 8 and 9 p.m. on Wednesday a vandal or vandals attacked the hood of a car, leaving a dent.


• Miscellaneous incident.

An officer was told by a person that they had a firearm in their vehicle. The officer then was told by dispatch that the person had a felony sexual assault conviction, and so having a firearm would be illegal. The officer arrested the person, who told the officer that he was very sure that he had never been convicted of felony sexual assault, and that the officer was not going to change his mind about this fact. The officer asked dispatch to run the man’s information one more time. As it turned out, dispatch had made a mistake. The man was released.


• Public intoxication at 2800 block of Pebble Beach Drive.

Late Wednesday evening police were notified that a person seemed to be intoxicated. The man told officers that he’d had “about 10 beers.”


“I then asked [the man] what he was celebrating tonight and [he] said, ‘10 beers,’” the report states.


“I stopped for a minute and then asked [the man] where he worked and he said ’10 beers.’


“I asked [him] again what he does to earn money to pay for the 10 beers and [he] replied, ‘yeah, just 10; but I’m fine.’”


The man was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication.

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mikeng1994 03/07/14 - 02:24 pm
For some reason I was

For some reason I was thinking a 2000 Buick Le Sabre had 2 headlights. Must be a rare one, hence the reason for the theft.

conwaygerl 03/07/14 - 02:53 pm
A guy on the radio said

You can drive it home with one headlight.

I think it was Bob Dylan's son, Jakob.

mikeng1994 03/07/14 - 02:54 pm
Wall flowers

Good music

ucantbserious 03/07/14 - 03:28 pm

Well, I left Kentucky back in '49
An' went to Detroit workin' on a 'sembly line
The first year they had me puttin' wheels on cadillacs

Every day I'd watch them beauties roll by
And sometimes I'd hang my head and cry
'Cause I always wanted me one that was long and black.

One day I devised myself a plan
That should be the envy of most any man
I'd sneak it out of there in a lunchbox in my hand
Now gettin' caught meant gettin' fired
But I figured I'd have it all by the time I retired
I'd have me a car worth at least a hundred grand.

I'd get it one piece at a time
And it wouldn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is a round.

So the very next day when I punched in
With my big lunchbox and with help from my friends
I left that day with a lunch box full of gears
Now, I never considered myself a thief
GM wouldn't miss just one little piece
Especially if I strung it out over several years.

The first day I got me a fuel pump
And the next day I got me an engine and a trunk
Then I got me a transmission and all of the chrome
The little things I could get in my big lunchbox
Like nuts, an' bolts, and all four shocks
But the big stuff we snuck out in my buddy's mobile home.

Now, up to now my plan went all right
'Til we tried to put it all together one night
And that's when we noticed that something was definitely wrong.

The transmission was a '53
And the motor turned out to be a '73
And when we tried to put in the bolts all the holes were gone.

So we drilled it out so that it would fit
And with a little bit of help with an A-daptor kit
We had that engine runnin' just like a song
Now the headlight' was another sight
We had two on the left and one on the right
But when we pulled out the switch all three of 'em come on.

The back end looked kinda funny too
But we put it together and when we got thru
Well, that's when we noticed that we only had one tail-fin
About that time my wife walked out
And I could see in her eyes that she had her doubts
But she opened the door and said "Honey, take me for a spin."

So we drove up town just to get the tags
And I headed her right on down main drag
I could hear everybody laughin' for blocks around
But up there at the court house they didn't laugh
'Cause to type it up it took the whole staff
And when they got through the title weighed sixty pounds.

I got it one piece at a time
And it didn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is around.

[Spoken] Ugh! Yow, RED RYDER
This is the COTTON MOUTH

Huh, This is the COTTON MOUTH
And negatory on the cost of this mow-chine there RED RYDER
You might say I went right up to the factory
And picked it up, it's cheaper that way
Ugh!, what model is it?

Joe Lamb
Joe Lamb 03/07/14 - 03:44 pm
'One working headlight'

'One working headlight' doesn't sound as good.

Igor Rabinowitz
Igor Rabinowitz 03/07/14 - 03:51 pm
Well wait a minute...

... what is "work" for a headlight? If it's filling up a hole in a fender or grill, then even an inoperative headlight is working if it is filling the hole.

So actually it's not if a headlight is working or not, but if a headlight is illuminating, or capable of illuminating, if I understand the gist of this conversation.

Therefore a Buick LeSabre (which actually should include a description as coupe or sedan, since it might be a French sabre, a war trophy or something, from Buick's corporate collection) with in place headlights, only one of which is capable of illuminating, would be an accurate description.

Yup, I'm a geniu3

mikeng1994 03/07/14 - 04:04 pm
For once, I have nothing to

For once, I have nothing to say.

Igor Rabinowitz
Igor Rabinowitz 03/07/14 - 04:04 pm
10 beers Vic and Gus's money

After Gus won the lottery it got kinda' nuts for awhile before he married that Russian girl and took off.

Me, him and Vic were sitting at a bar one night, just having some beers and him and Vic get into this thing about what they could get printed in the paper. See, Vic was telling him he needed to hire Vic to be his agent or something because he had money now and guys with money needed an agent (it was drunk talk, Vic was a drinker).

So there going back and forth and we're telling Vic he'd never be a good agent and Vic says, looking at Gus he says, "I'll get them to print '10 beers' in the newspaper three times in the next 72 hours, and if I do that you pay me $5 thousand."

Gus, he'd had a couple himself, he takes the bet. (We thought later there should be a "and if I don't" clause, but again, drunk talk; it wasn't like we were in a thinking place.)

But yeah, he wound up paying him. We all kind of got a laugh out of it.

mikeng1994 03/07/14 - 04:06 pm
What did the girl look like?

What did the girl look like? Was she ok after, say, 3 beers?

amongthecryers 03/08/14 - 10:03 am
Le Sabre

perhaps "one headlight out" would make the most sense.

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