DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been into swinging for 20 years. Everything has always been "no strings attached." I was with one man several times before he married his current wife. She's very religious, not into swinging and doesn't know he is.
I'm so attracted to "Nick" that I dream about him and have met him outside our marriages. I know it's wrong, but I can't keep him out of my mind. My husband doesn't know, and I know it would hurt him deeply. Should I tell Nick, or quit writing him on our swinging site? -- DESPAIR DOWN SOUTH
DEAR DESPAIR: And what have you to gain by revealing your feelings? If you think it would make Nick leave his wife, forget it. Because you know it would hurt your husband -- although I'm having trouble understanding why, because you're swingers -- I recommend you refrain from causing him pain.
DEAR ABBY: My family has been put in a difficult position. Last year, a woman my brother had a one-night-stand with became pregnant. I have heard from more than one person that she's known as the town tramp or "crazy."
We're sure she planned it because he makes a good living and can support the child financially, and she insisted on keeping the baby. My brother, God bless him, is doing what's necessary, although having a child with a woman he has come to despise weighs heavily on him.
How should we, his family, handle this? At this point, I have no interest in laying eyes on her or her baby, blood kin or not. I feel no affinity for the child because I know my brother didn't want it. Maybe in time, I could find a way to know this child, but for now my anger prevents it. -- LIVID SISTER IN TEXAS
DEAR LIVID: None of this is the fault of the baby. No one forced your brother to sleep with the "town tramp." I respect him for living up to his responsibilities to his child.
You have nothing to lose by being kind to your nephew/niece and his/her mother. Frankly, it appears she could use befriending, and in the years ahead that baby may need a stabilizing female influence.
DEAR ABBY: My new father-in-law always greets me with a hug and a kiss on the mouth. I come from a family who doesn't kiss on the lips, and I find it extremely awkward. I'm not sure how to handle the situation.
I don't want to bring it up to him because I'm afraid it would be offensive. I have mentioned it to my husband, who kind of shrugged it off, saying his father is "old school." I have started turning my head when we greet so that he hits my cheek instead of my mouth. Please advise me on how to deal with this. -- TURNING A CHEEK IN MICHIGAN
DEAR TURNING: I think you're handling the situation well. If your father-in-law asks why you're turning your head, all you have to do is smile and say you save kisses on the mouth for your husband.
P.S. I don't know what "old school" your father-in-law attended, but I wouldn't set foot on that campus.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
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