McCollum's Column: Presenting a star-studded list of student-geniuses
What if the same process and hype were applied to academic scholarships as athletics?
The signing-day list might look like this for Technological State:
BILLY BEAM: Rated the No. 137th mathematics student in the country by Equation.com. No. 40th in Texas by Multiplier.com. Excels in probabilities. Math student of the Year in high school. Voted student in high school most likely to be general manager of Oakland Athletics.
JUNE BUGGER: Rated No. 84 among national science students by Botany Today. 5.0 student of 4.0 scale. Top student in Insect Camp 2010. Has one of the largest butterfly collections among seniors in the United States.
ERIC C. MONEY IV: Nicknamed the “money man” by fellow students. Excels in both cash and cache. Three-year head of Future CPA club. 5-star rating and No. 2 prospect in the country by Cookthebooks.com. Earned “Master of the Spread Sheet” award at Balance The Books Camp 2011.
TED W. LOGICO: 4-star prospect by Geek.com. 5-star by Multiplier.com. Designed an attendance vs. grades tracking program for his high school. Also linked the school’s computer system to smart phones. Designed his own smart phone app in sixth grade. Avid surfer (the web, not the ocean).
RHONDA R. SMART: Rated No. 101 debate student in the country as a sophomore by Jabberwocky.com. As a senior, 5-star recruit by Jabberwocky.com and 4-star by Lobbiesttobe.com. Rated No. 33 overall Best Talker in nation, up from No. 38 her junior year. Organized the Chat Club in her school.
ARNOLD C. READER: No. 15 speed reader in the nation by Librarian.com. Has read entire Harry Potter series three times. Has read Bible backwards and forward — maps to Genesis and Genesis to maps. Bookworm of the Year by DeweyDecimal.com. Has state’s largest collection of bookmarks. Can speak four languages, read in two.
SHAMEKA E. TERRELL: Biology Student of the Year her senior year. Owns national record of fastest dissection of a frog. Dissector of the Year Citation from Croak.com. No. 54 science student in the country by Pasteur.com, No. 25 by Coronerstobe.com. Wants to have own reality show about crime scene investigation. Plans to call it “Deadliest Snatch.”
ASIA ETHEL MINOR; No. 3 chemistry student in the country by TestTube.com. No. 1 in her state. 5-star recruit by Reaction.com, 4-star by Bunsonburner.com. Senior year science project was entitled “How the chocolate chip cookie can be the healthy alternative to broccoli.” Judges reportedly ate it up.
RANDAL E. TIMOTHY III: 3-star recruit by Lit.com. No. 110 top essay student by Plagiarize.com
HARRY P. VOLDEMORT: Rated No. 1 recruit, 5-star by Wizardworld.com. National J.K Rowling Award. 6-star recruit by Hogwarts.com. Master of Quidditch, Hogwarts Camper of the Year. Also likes to play lacrosse.
E.F. Intel, university president, says, “This is a wonderful group of student-geeks, student-students and student-geniuses. We look forward to what they can become three years for now. It’s a group that already has great chemistry.”
(Sports columnist David McCollum can be reached at 505-1235 or david.mccollum@thecabin.net)
