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Davidson: Things my mother taught me

Posted: December 5, 2013 - 7:07pm

For those in my generation (and perhaps yours as well), I believe I can safely say that mothers are pretty special people. I know mine is. She is almost 91 years of age and is in a local nursing home here in Conway.

A while back a friend sent me something titled, “I Owe My Mother,” that contained a lot of wisdom and was pretty humorous at the same time. As I share these thoughts please think about your own mother and see if any of them bring back some memories.

1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done. “If you are going to kill each other, do it outside… I just finished cleaning.” 2. My mother taught me religion. “You had better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about time travel. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.” 4. My mother taught me logic. “Because I said so, that’s why.” 5. My mother taught me more logic. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.” 6. My mother taught me foresight. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me irony. “Keep crying and I will give you something to cry about.” 8. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.” 9. My mother taught me about contortion-ism. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?” 10. My mother taught me about stamina. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.” 11. My mother taught me about weather. “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about hypocrisy. “If I have told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate.” 13. My mother taught me the circle of life. “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.” 14. My mother taught me about behavior modification. “Stop acting like your father.” 15. My mother taught me about envy. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about anticipation. “Just wait till we get home.” 17. My mother taught me about receiving. “You are going to get it when you get home.” 18. My mother taught me about medical science. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.” 19. My mother taught me about ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?” 20. My mother taught me about humor. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.” 21. My mother taught me about how to become an adult. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me about genetics. “You’re just like your father.” 23. My mother taught me about my roots. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?” 24. My mother taught me wisdom. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.” (And here is my favorite): 24. My mother taught me about justice. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.” Then the author makes this observation, and I don’t know how old she was: “Only you folks my age will understand these profound statements!”

But there is one missing that everyone, regardless of age, can relate to. “Do you want me to stop this car?” And here is a final thought from me. The Bible says the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Certainly we should have a healthy fear of the Lord but also understand that He loves us. Many of these sayings handed down from one generation to the next can teach us a lot.

(Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To begin a bookcase literacy project visit www.bookcaseforeverychild.com.)

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