Posted January 16, 2014 11:52 pm

Hair today? No power tomorrow.

Rob Ryan, the rotund, lion-maned defensive coordinator for the New Orleans Saints, has just finished the best season of his career. His defense ranked in the top five in the NFL, and he is considered by some a good choice to join his brother, Rex, as one of the 32 head coaches in "The League."

There is only one thing holding him back, or rather a few thousand little things.

It's his hair. His long, flowing, "Fabio if he ate another person" hair. It's too long.

Word on the street is that if Ryan wants to snag one of the top gigs in football, he needs to cut it. Owners seem to want a CEO on their sideline instead of a football coach who resembles Jeff Lebowski. Seems kind of silly, since we all would assume Bill Belichick, the Patriots head coach who has three Super Bowl rings and is close to notching a fourth, could let his freak flag fly tomorrow, and he would still be considered the best coach in the land.

What is it about male follicle that translate to leadership qualities? There are bald titans of industry, but has anyone had a fighter's chance to be the first bald president since Eisenhower? McCain got closest, but he still enjoyed a bit of a combover. And most male political animals — Republican and Democrat — look strangely alike: Alex P. Keaton with a dash of the Winkelvii.

Women don't fare much better. Hair won't get much longer than Sarah Palin's, although now that she's an outsider, she can probably do what she wants with it. Hillary Clinton's is a bit shorter than Michelle Bachman's, but they are in the realm of acceptable. No one's going to rise to political heights with Crystal Gayle's hair.

Strange to think that many associate power nowadays as the opposite of when Samson showed off his locks. Samson today? Heck, he probably wouldn't even get to be the waterboy.